Saturday, February 23, 2013

My Mother's Stomach

What the heck happened to me?  I am standing in the bathroom and I do not recognize the reflection staring back.  Actually, it does have something vaguely familiar about it...and then it hits me.  That, I realize, is my Mother's stomach.  How the HECK did that get there?

As if motherhood doesn't come with enough challenges, caring for myself has fallen to the bottom of a long list of "more importants" and "must do's".  I am now responsible for a whole other person, and his needs come before mine.  This leaves very little time for things I used to enjoy.  Pastime favorites such as planning and preparing elaborate healthy meals, hitting the gym four to five times a week with my best friend, getting a biweekly pedicure or my hair cut and colored once every few months have become luxuries and more shockingly, rarities.   These previous must-haves are almost impossible to fit in to the agenda these days between diaper changes, breastfeeding around the clock, tummy time play, sleep training, etc, etc...."Me time" has all but evaporated.  Most days I have to settle for a 5 minute shower and eating breakfast with one hand.  

My postpartum body has left something to be desired.  At almost 10 weeks out I became very impatient with my progress.  Friends, Family and my Husband had reiterated "you just had a baby", or "it will take some time to get where you were".  Well-meant words gave little comfort and at that point getting dressed in anything besides "jogging" pants made me seriously consider starting a small bonfire in my closet.  At 15 weeks out I am somewhere between pulling up saggy maternity jeans every 10 minutes and trying to develop a new strategy for tucking in belly skin to my old jeans.  Paints a lovely picture, doesn't it?  The round, smooth pregnant belly is gone and in it's place remains a deflated, flabby expanse of Mommy "battle wounds".

I gained sixty pounds during my pregnancy and was already about twenty pounds over my ideal weight when I first became pregnant.  Admittedly, I enjoyed every indulgent taste of "eating for two" despite being vaguely aware that each bite would eventually come back to haunt me.  Alas, I cannot take all the credit and genetics played their own part.  Consequently no amount of creams or oils could prevent me from inheriting my Mother's stomach.  While the first thirty came off relatively quickly, I anticipated a long battle ahead to tackle what remained.  This battle required a plan of action!

So, I plan to hold myself accountable and MAKE the time to take care of myself.  This is something my Mom never accomplished.  She spent all her time and energy caring for her Family, an admirable quality unless it comes at one's own expense.  Levi deserves a happy, balanced Mommy.  I want to teach my Son how to live a healthful, active life while practicing moderation.  I needed a plan I could stick to and one that allowed me to continue to enjoy some of life's indulgences and the occasional glass of red wine. 

About five weeks ago I marched myself (baby in tow) to the local Weight Watchers meeting and re-joined.  I like WW because it teaches and motivates me to eat and live healthfully while accounting for human nature and an occasional splurge.  It has worked for me in the past, and I am inspired to give it the ol' college try now.  I have already lost almost 8 pounds since joining, slow and steady!  I have been trying a lot of new recipes and breaking out some of the old favorites.  I have also started exercising more, Levi and I really enjoy our walks.  I even jogged (GASP) a little last week and someday I hope to make it back to the gym!  At least that is what I tell myself when the payment comes out every month.

I am a nursing mom, which complicates my weight loss to some extent.  According to WW, nursing mothers can "safely loose a pound a week" in order to avoid interfering with milk supply.  I would like to continue nursing Levi for a year, if possible.  Returning to work will also complicate matters, but I am committed to trying at the very least.  At this point I am trying to focus on increasing my activity, making good food choices, and enjoying my Family!

I have heard that the older we get, the more we become like our Parents.  I must say while it was not my first choice of inherited traits, I am proud to have my Mother's stomach.  It reminds me of her sacrifices.  It reminds me of my own.  I earned this postpartum body, and I will have to earn a fitter version of it also.  I am determined to enjoy the journey and celebrate the little victories. I am determined to get this Mommy tummy back into its proper shape and proper jeans!  Nobody said parenthood would be easy, but to whom much is given, much is required.  I have the battle scars to prove it!







Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Three Months

Levi Everett, you are THREE months old!

My sweet boy, how fast you are growing and changing!  We can hardly believe how fast the time goes, despite everyone's advanced warnings.  You are my happy boy, we already get a strong sense of your personality and I describe it as "spirited".  You love to be held and cuddled and you especially love when we sing or talk to you.  I adore listening to your long discussions with Daddy as you debrief him on our day.  You babble with such strong intent as if you know exactly what you are saying!  Your favorite times are early morning when you smile and laugh at Mommy's screechy songs or Daddy's silly faces, and bedtime.  At bedtime we give you a bath, put your PJ's on, swaddle you and pick out a book to read.  You nurse during story time and usually drift off quickly.  You already have an affinity to listening to people read and you will stop nursing at times to smile or coo at us while we read to you.  You are getting so strong and steady and you can hold up your head well now.  You still hate to be on your stomach but if I time it right you will tolerate it for a few minutes, especially if we get on the floor and show you toys.  Speaking of toys, you are becoming much more aware of your surroundings!  You are able to grip toys with one or two hands and have started looking at them and exploring them with your mouth.  Your favorite toys are the frog on your play gym, and a little red ball that is able to be gripped.  You have even tried to put your pacifier back in a few times and it amazes me (and terrifies me!) to see you developing so quickly.  This past week you also discovered your toes!  You haven't quite managed to get them to your mouth but you grip them with both hands every chance you get.  You giggle when we make funny sounds or pretend to nibble your tummy and feet.  You are SUCH A JOY!  You have started sleeping better at night and we even get an occasional 9:00 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. stretch!  Most nights you wake once or twice to nurse.  You are 25 inches long and weigh 14 pounds.  I love to take you for walks because it seems impossible for you to cry once we are outside.  You squint your eyes and are very quiet.  You stare at the trees or the sky and look as if you are really taking it all in.  You often drift off to sleep while we walk.  We even stopped at the park last week and I held you while we sat on the swing.  Someday far too soon you will not need me to hold you and you will want me to push you on those swings instead.  Three weeks from tomorrow I will start back at work and I am mostly dreading it.  I will miss spending every day with you and watching you change and being the one to always comfort you or make you laugh.  I also know it will make our days together that much more meaningful and special!  We are all so grateful for you, especially your Daddy and me.  You truly are our most treasured blessing and loved more than you will ever know!

Today, you are three months old. <3